Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream...

Canada is so different from California. Everything about it is different - the taste of the water, the attitude of the people, the look of the streets, and just the whole lifestyle. I'm not sure how I'll ever get used to it. The first four days I arrived, I cried and cried until there were no tears left in me. Before I left for Canada, I didn't shed a single tear about moving because it still did not feel like I was leaving. But the minute I left the airport and set my feet on the Canadian street was when it officially hit me that I was no longer in California and I no longer knew when I would see my sister and Dad. The first four days and nights were the absolute hardest to deal with. Nights were and still are absolutely unbearable because that's when I am all alone in dark, with nothing to think about but my sister, my dad, and my best friends who I may not see again until a few years later. For days I cried myself to sleep and I regret not taking advantage of the time when we were together. Mornings are just as brutal. Mostly because every night, for all the 10 days that I've been here, I have been dreaming about everyone back home. And when I wake up, I feel sadness overcome me once I realize I'm in Canada and not in California. But my dreams are both blessings and curses. A curse simply because it makes me feel worse once I wake up. However, it is also a blessing because I am at my happiest when I am asleep and dreaming. Because even for just a little while, I am back in California with all my friends and my family. It feels so real that I never want to wake up. It's so crazy how homesick  I am. I miss everything about California. But most of all I miss the little things like the tree outside my window, the sofa in the living room, and even my loud and obnoxious neighbors that used to annoy me so much. -sigh- I just wanna go home. I now understand how Sandy Cheeks from Spongebob Squarepants felt when she sang about how she misses Texas. If you're not familiar with it, well today's your lucky day because I put the video for it. (:

I'm MOVING !! :(

I've known for about a month now that I have to leave my home in sunny Los Angeles, California due to personal family issues, but it didn't really hit me until today. Because as of today, I only have one day left until I'm off to Canada where my mom lives. This whole week has been crazy. I've been running around, desperately trying to fit everyone into my schedule, hoping to spend as much time with them as possible before I leave. I am very much depressed about the whole situation. I am going to be leaving the home that I've lived in for basically all of my life. To make matters worse, my dad will be all alone in the house because he won't be coming with me to Canada, which saddens me. I love my dad and I can't imagine not living with him. My older sister is also not coming but she lives in another house with her husband and baby, which is another reason why I'm so very depressed. My sister is my best friend and I can't believe I won't be able to hang out with her anymore and I won't be able to see my nephew grow up. Not to mention, I'm leaving just before my senior year and I won't be able to see my closest friends, some of whom I have known since elementary school. Of course there is always Facebook, but it's just not the same. And I won't even be able to graduate with them!! :( But despite all of this, still I shed no tears. While my best friend literally cries every time the topic of me leaving comes up, my eyes don't even water. I know I'm sad, but why am I not sad enough to be able to cry? It makes me feel so heartless. Or maybe I am more terrified than sad. After all, this is the first time I ever move away, let alone move away to a different country! What if I make no friends? What if I freeze to death? I'm so used to LA's hot weather, which can be all the way up to 110 degrees in the summer and sometimes even in the winter. But I hear winters in Canada are brutal. How am I going to survive that?!? What's worse is that I have to live with my mom, who I do not get along with at all. Most of my life, I never really lived with her, but whenever she came to visit, we would always get in fights. -sigh- I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess I'll just have to take it day by day and hope for the best. Well, tomorrow's my flight. Wish me luck you guys!! :(

A letter I will never send...

Dear Angeli,

It's been 5 years since we've last talked, but it feels like it's been an etrnity. An eternity without hearing your laugh or your voice. An eternity without feeling your embrace or seeing your sweet smile. We used to do everything together and we would spend the whole day just hanging out at each others houses, which was easy because we lived right next door to each other. People thought we were best friends, but you would always correct them and say we were "soul sisters."

 Do you remember how we used to love eating macaroni and cheese while watching movies all day? And how we never really finished a single movie because we had too much fun just pausing it and laughing at the funny faces the actors made?

Do you remember how we would just sit in the living room and laugh for hours uncontrollably for no reason at all?